- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president.
- You can never be pregnant.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never have to drive to another gas station rest-room because this one is just too icky.
- You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- Same work, more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental — $100.
- People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood — all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $5.95 for a three-pack.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You only have to shave your face and neck.
- You can play with toys all your life.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
- You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 45 minutes.
