Let’s face it English is a stupid language.
- There is no egg in the eggplant
- No ham in the hamburger
- And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple
- English muffins were not invented in England
- French fries were not invented in France
- Quicksand takes you down slowly
- Boxing rings are square
- And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig
- If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing
- If the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
- If the teacher taught, Why didn’t the preacher praught
- If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
- Why do people recite at a play Yet play at a recital?
- Park on driveways and Drive on parkways
- You have to marvel at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down
- And in which you fill in a form By filling it out
- And a bell is only heard once it goes!
- English was invented by people, not computers And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn’t a race at all)
- When the stars are out they are visible But when the lights are out they are invisible
- And why it is that when I wind up my watch But when I wind up this observation It ends