NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and
current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK ___________________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE
parent?___________________________
If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married
____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to
you?____________________
_______________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to
you?
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
_______________________________________________________12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend
__________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and
priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won’t tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
________________
c) A woman’s place is in the
________________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
__________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________
Signature( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can’t and it would cause
you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by
two gentlemen weaning white ties and carrying violin cases (You might
want to watch your back)