These excerpts from court transcripts are purported to
be true. You be the judge!
The following are actual statements made during court
cases:
From a defendant representing himself...
Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when
I stole your purse?
Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly.
You are the one who stole my purse.
Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.
*****************************
Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't
interested in my case.
Judge to
Public
Defender: Do you have any comments
on the defendant's motion?
Public
Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
*****************************
Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the "Colonel" stand for?
Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in
front of your name. Not a damn thing.
*****************************
Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness.
Have you nything to say in your defense?
Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?
*****************************
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail):
May I adress the court?
Judge: Of course.
Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch,
what would you do?
Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an
additional five days in jail.
Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?
Judge: I can't do anything about that.
There's no law Against thinking.
Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.
