Confusion says:

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
One who run in front of car get tired. One who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish Man give wife grand piano, wise Man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk thru airport turn stile sideways going to Bangkok.
A One with one chop stick go hungry.
One who scratches ass should not bite finger nails.
One who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, Man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no peace at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
One who drive like hell bound to get there.
One who stand on toilet is high on pot.
One who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
One who farts in church sits in own pew.
Naked one who lie in wheat field in risk of being reaped.
One who cooks carrots and pees in same pot not sanitary.
Man who loses key to mistresses apartment get no noo-kie.
Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
Man with two watches not know what time it is.
Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.
Horse who can’t talk maybe just can’t spell.
Never argue with a fool…he may be doing the same thing.
Huge land mammal who doesn’t matter is irrelephant.
Pregnant mare often guilty of horsing around.
Anyone who actually wants to be President is mentally unfit to hold the office.
he who lives in stone house should not throw glasses.
he who sneeze without tissue, take matter into own hands.
never play leap frog with a unicorn.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Those that know don’t have to show…Those that don’t know are a side-show.
Men have more hair on chest than woman but women have more on the whole.
When words fail, a boot to the ass may be sufficient…
feminist who fly upside down… have crack up
Feminism……..Braless women trying to play hymns without an organ.
A Penis is the only thing that a woman hopes she will find hard to handle.
A relationship is the opportunity to do something you hate with someone you love.
The inventor of shag carpet made a big pile.
Some Sex Is Good…More Is Better…Too Much Is Just About Right
A Tattoo is permanent proof of temporary insanity.
The Opera is the only place where a guy gets stabbed and instead of bleeding, he sings.
A Magazine is a bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.
A Cannibal is person who likes to see other people stewed.
An Optimist is a girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
A penis has a hole in the end so men can be open-minded.
Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you’ll have a pretty good idea how she’ll be in bed.
Man with five dicks will have pants that fit like a glove.
It’s ok to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you.
To reuse a condom, turn it inside out and shake the f*ck out of it
Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds.
Masturbation is a solo played on a private organ.
Mother’s Day comes nine months after father’s day.
A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
It’s all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you’re done.
Killing two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society.
The best way to save face, is to keep the lower part of it shut.
To make a long story short, don’t tell it.
Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.
A giraffe’s family reunion is called necks of kin.
A man is only as faithful as his options.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
The best way to keep your word is not to give it.
A man’s last will and testament is a dead give away.
When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Bad singers break into song because they can’t find the key.
The wise speak when they have something to say, the fools speak when they have to say something.
If you worry about yesterday’s failures, today’s successes will be few.
A Rubix cube is like a penis. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.
The greatest fault is to be conscious of none.
He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.
An Egotist a person more interested in himself than in me.
When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of hacking at the leaves.
The best time to go to the dentist is tooth hurty.
Artificial Insemination is procreation without recreation.
The useless skin around a penis is called a man.
Pubic hair is just organic dental floss.
It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
A single fact can ruin a good argument.
An Arch Criminal is one who robs shoe stores.
The best way for university student to turn their life completely around is to get 90 degrees.
The worst thing about oral sex is the view
An old gravedigger is called an Elderberry
A gay gentleman from the Deep South is called a homo-sex-y’all
A Greek tampon is called Abzorba the Leak.
Even a fish can escape being caught, if it keeps its mouth shut.
Well done is better than well said.
Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
New York manufacturer of gentlemen’s headwear is called Manhatten.
Homosexuals don’t play chess because they don’t want to sacrifice a Queen.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Those who get to big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
The quietest place in the world is the complaint department at a parachute packing plant.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
A good woman will do 70 chores around the house. Cooking and 69.
A vagina is like a very small hotel. One must leave his bag outside.
A Platonic Relationship develops after two good friends are tired of screwing each other.
A chicken is the result of a sitting hen, while a baby is the result of standing cock.
Man with one foot on ‘yesterday’ and one foot on ‘tomorrow’ will end up pissing on ‘today’.
Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy
When one man rub lotion on another man, it is called Men-Gay.
Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.
If a Bulldog and a Shitsu were mated, it would be called a bullshit.
A Jamaican proctologist is called Pokemon.
Alcohol is the cause of some problems and the solution to others.
Flatulence is the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Man who mixes Rogaine with Viagra will end up hard headed.
Prisoners complain behind bars, husbands complain in them.
The difference between a dog and a fox is about five drinks.
Vitamins are good for what ails you. Viagra is good for what fails you.
A clean tie will attract the soup of the day.
A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
If woman meets a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift, she should exchange him.
A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.
A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
A smile is like tight underwear … it makes your cheeks go up.
A humorous question on an exam is called Testicle.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.
To get an Irishman to climb on the roof, tell him that the drinks are on the house.
Man with a lisp will walk with Lymph.
Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes, wants to have marathon session.
At a nudist wedding, you don’t have to ask – you can see who the best man is.
A Church’s bills are always Due unto others
Egghead is what Mrs. Dumpty gives Humpty
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm is called Sperm Wail.
Prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.
For every woman with a curve, there are several men with angles.
Never marry a woman with big hands. It will make your dick look smaller
The only thing divorce proves is whose mother was right in the first place.
A vigorous masturbation session is called Hand to Gland Combat.
An airplane girl is a blonde who has a black box
Gay dinosaur is called Mega-sor-ass.
A flying saucer will appear when a nudist spills his coffee
To get rid of unwanted pubic hair, one must spit.
A prostitute with a degree in psychology will blow your mind.
Always wear Stealth condoms…they’ll never see you coming.
A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Amish woman’s secret fantasy is two Mennonite.
When a bomb goes off in the middle of a herd of cows, there will be udder destruction.
Best way to cure water on the brain is with a tap on the head.
A drunk who works at an upholstery shop is a recovering alcoholic
Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.
A butler with no teeth is called an indentured servant.
Man who want to catch a bra, should set a booby trap.
Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.
If You look in fortune cookie, you are a pathetic fool who seeks advice from bakery products.
A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
You know you are a geek when you look at a movie trailer and think, I have that font.
Birds of a feather flock together…then crap on your car.
Men are like spray paint. One squeeze and they’re all over you.
Couple who cross LSD with birth control pills, get a trip without the kids.
To circumcise a whale, send down four skin divers.
An award winning dentist will be given a little plaque
The opening in the front of your boxer shorts is called the Circumvent.
A bachelor is man who never makes the same mistake once.
Never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal.
Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will Abdicate.
Man who is impotent will have Willy-nilly.
Woman who absentmindedly answer the door in her nightie is Negligent
When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.
It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.
Gay man in Chinese restaurant will order sum yung guy.
The difference between pink and purple, is your grip.
The worst thing a wife can get on her twenty-fifth wedding anniversary is morning sickness.
Rudolph was grounded after his dad saw his report card because he went down in history.
Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a rise.
A kiss on the lips is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 Lite year.
Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter is Eskimo Pi
Women and rocks are very much alike. We skip the flat ones.
Police may arrest dyke, and charge her with male fraud.
Marriage is like taking a bath… after you’ve been in it for a while, it isn’t so hot.
Learn to masturbate–come in handy.
People are like teabags – you don’t know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.
Pedophiles love Halloween because of Free home delivery.
One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.
If you want your dreams to come true, don’t oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Action may not always bring happiness; but there is not happiness without action.
Man in shower playing with tool not necessarily plumber.
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
Those who say they sleep like a baby haven’t got one.
The white powder found on your penis after a blind date is called Handthrax.
The best way to get a woman to argue with you, is to say something.
It’s not what you wear, it’s how you take it off.
Taliban’s national bird is duck
Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone, both look out window and see Rubble
An Impotent Loser is one who can’t even get his hopes up.
Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.
Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.
Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan.
Gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy much alike. Both can smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Food that goes rotten while being transported to the store is un-pallet-able.
It’s not how deep you fish, it’s how you wiggle your worm.
Dry cleaner who is in a hurry for a date, will be pressed for time.
When Indian Chief Shortcake died, squaw bury Shortcake
The difference between wives and husbands is, Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.
Man who checks out woman’s package, doesn’t always work for UPS.
Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.
Dalmatians can’t play hide and seek, because they are always spotted.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it’s open.
The toilet of the Star Ship Enterprise contains ‘the captains log’.
The biggest room you have, is the room for improvement.
Birds of a feather flock together and then crap on your car.
An ‘Airplane Blonde’ is one who has bleached her hair but still has a ‘black box’.
One cow spying on another cow is called a steak out.
Part-time bandleaders should be called ‘semi-conductors’.
The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.
Tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.
Heat must travel faster than cold because; it is easy to catch a cold.
If men had breasts, they would wear off the pockets of their shirts.
Deaf people have phone sex by fax.
A smart ass is someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is
Viagra is like Disneyland… a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.
Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk
Never cut the rope that can be simply untied.
If you do not wish to get to the point, never play leap frog with a unicorn.
The difference between roast beef and pea soup is that anyone can roast beef.
A fool and his money are soon partners.
All’s fear in love and war.
Sex is like a Ford Explorer. Going too fast may cause a roll-over injury
Ulcers aren’t the result of what you eat. You get ulcers from what’s eating you.
Adults are just wrinkled kids who owe money.
Newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.
Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.
When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
Woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get the shaft.
The only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back, is a police horse.
An optimist is a man who hasn’t had many experiences yet.
The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.
To ignore the facts, does not change the facts.
Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.
Girl who go on fishing trip with 6 men, come back with red snapper.
A woman will be Queen of the sewers, if she has accessible manhole.
If a soda can goes to college, it will take fizz ed.
Prisoner who paints in jail, will have brush with the law.
Men are like fish… neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
Geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have polygon.
Woman who dates trash collector, will get dumped.
Company who make women’s vibrators is called, Genital Electric.
Sperm sample from Nobel Prize winner is called, ‘Stroke of Genius’.
If all women’s lib activists were laid end to end, it would be the best thing for them.
Independent porno movie producers should form new company called, 21st Century-Fux
Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the doc.
Gay Australian man will leave his wife and return to Sydney.
Man who try doggie style sex, won’t want to face his wife again.
Student who study history, will find there is no future in it.
Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will feel drained.
Epileptic lettuce farmer makes Seizure Salad.
If the washroom upstairs is occupied, there is a hypotenuse.
The only one whose troubles are behind him, is a school bus driver.
Just because men have one, doesn’t mean they have to be one.
The supermarket is where you spend 30 minutes hunting for instant coffee.
Alarm clock is something that makes people rise and whine.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Argument between pharmacist and a patient is called a pill owe fight
Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn’t had a suit.
Many arguments have two sides, but no end.
The best defense against rape, is to beat off the attacker.
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Cinderella would be bad at football. Her coach was a pumpkin.
When TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.
Miners with illuminated helmets, will feel lightheaded.
A man can keep his youth, by giving her money, furs and diamonds.
The best way to slow a runaway horse, is to bet on it.
Getting sick at the airport, could be a terminal illness.
Blondes have more fun because they are easier to amuse.
Undertakers are nice – they’re the last to let people down.
Self-centered trumpet player, likes to toot his own horn.
Jokes become a father, when the punch line becomes apparent.
A person will never tell a lie, if the truth will do more damage.
Best way to make wife’s panties wet every day, is to do the laundry.
Balloon factory will go out of business if it can’t keep up with inflation.
Man who start crystal ball factory, bound to make a fortune.
There is no future in writing a history book
The difference between a lawyer and a chicken is, the chicken clucks defiant.
Men in a singles bar have one thing in common…they’re all married.
Migration is the headache birds get when they fly South for the winter.
Lady who goes down first time out, is called Titanic
Whoever gossips to you, will gossip about you.
I ask wife for light lunch. She serve fireflies.
Crossing dinosaur with a pig, will make Jurassic Pork.
An Australian Kiss is similar to French Kiss, but given down under.
Man who mix poison ivy with four-leaf clover, have rash of good luck.
Prostitute with her hand in her panties is self employed.
Do not argue with spouse who is packing your parachute.
Some fishermen catch their fish by the tale.
Whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the pusher.
A bachelor is a man who is footloose and fiancée-free.
If you run into your ex on the street, just shift into reverse and keep going.
Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the juggler
If you want to watch the world pass you by, try driving the speed limit.
An Impotent Loser is a man who can’t even get his hopes up.
A handkerchief should be called Cold storage.
Sex is like vacation….it never lasts long enough.
Never tell a one-legged hitchhiker to hop in.
Women are like convertibles. They’re both more fun with their top down.
A bachelor is a man who comes to work from a different direction each morning.
Woman who loses wedding ring in kitchen, should remove her drawers
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary
Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your children.
When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
A speech is like a bicycle wheel…the longer the spoke, the greater the tire.
It is impossible to sling mud with clean hands.
Always yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
Don’t let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection.
Man who has nothing to say, should say nothing.
In prison, best way to separate the men from the boys is with a crowbar
A good life is like toilet paper… Long and useful.
Basic unit of laryngitis is 1 hoarsepower
The perfect gift for man who has everything, is a burglar alarm
Christmas trees are like priests…Their balls are just for decoration.
Half of a large intestine is equal to one semicolon
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…after a mediocre summer
It is better to give than receive- especially advice.
Happiness is a way station between too little and too much.
Gynecologist and the pizza delivery man are very much alike…
both get to smell the goods, but neither one can eat it.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
An optimist is a person who doesn’t understand the enormity of the problem.
Van Gogh was a painter because he didn’t have an ear for music.
Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
Only a bachelor may be a fool and not know it.
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
Woman who wear something from Victoria’s Secret, have no more secrets.
A 400 pound lady, who likes both men and women, is a bisexual built for two.
Husbands are like fires…they go out when left unattended.
Character is like a fence…it cannot be strengthened by whitewash.
A perfectionist is one who takes great pains, and gives them to everyone else.
Woman who gives away free potato chips, will offer you a free Lay.
It’s better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
Surgeon who make mistake, forced to take a cut in salary
A virgin, sleeping on a waterbed is called ‘cherry float’.
Blowing into a blonde’s ear is called Data transfer
Man with head up ass, can’t see for shit.
A transvestite is one who likes to eat, drink and be Mary
A gay man with diarrhea is called juicy fruit!
Eskimos go to Tupperware parties to find a tight seal.
Show off always shown up in showdown.
He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth
A woman is the only hunter who uses herself for bait.
Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy
The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.
Look for helping hand on end of own arm.
Marriages are made in Heaven…So are thunder & lightning.
Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent
A wise man makes sure that his wife’s birthday cake is short one candle.
Jamaican proctologist is called Pok-e-mon
An egotist is a person more interested in himself, than in me.
Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If man doesn’t try different sex with one women, he shall try one sex with different women.
Real Estate People are a vacant lot.
Patience is a naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.
Man with hand in pocket is all ways on the ball
A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.
Man with poor vision can date anyone.
Man who put head it fruit drink, get punch in nose.
Man who put cream in tart is not necessarily baker.
An enemy is sometimes nothing more than a friend who got wise to you.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
He who thinks only of number one, must remember, it is next to nothing
Two wrongs may not make a right; but two Wrights made an airplane.
Women are like Lawn Mowers…If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
hole happy, whole body happy
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
When Einstein stared at his cousin’s boobs, he discovered ‘Theory of Relative Titty’.
Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.
Husband who sleep on couch last night, have hard time today.
Dirty hands make your nose itch.
Men are like cement after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Knowledge was never known to enter the head via an open mouth.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Honor your personality flaws, for without them, you would have no personality at all.
Forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit and not nearly as gratifying.
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.
Man who keeps nose to the grindstone, have sharp boogers.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Forgetful cow gives Milk of Amnesia!
Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything.
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife that a fur coat will make her look fat.
A wok is what you throw at a wabbit.
If you girlfriend starts smoking, slow down and use a lubricant.
Winnie The Pooh will get angry if you stick your finger in his honey.
A man who cries while he masturbates is a real tearjerker.
The only way you can you get AIDS from a toilet seat
is by sitting down before the last guy gets up.
Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy and a social loser.
Vegetarian is an Indian word meaning, lousy hunter.
Every Amish woman’s private fantasy is two Mennonite.
Faster, Harder, Deeper is not the motto of the Olympics.
If you can’t be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped.
A wise man buys his wife fine china, so she won’t trust him to wash it.
Religeous woman with hole in pocket, feel holy all day.
Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap.
If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
Man who throw a cat out car window, makes kitty litter.
A virgin on waterbed is called a cherry float.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man with hard problem usually give it to woman.
Wise man buy prunesget good run for money
Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation.
A Rental Car is the only true all-terrain vehicle.
A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document and calls it a brief!
Woman like dollar bill; hard to pickup, and worth effort.
Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.
Always wear camouflage condoms: They won’t see you coming.
Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup
Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan
If you open the door to a lesser evil, a greater one will slink in after it.
The greatest of all faults, is to be aware of none.
No time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.
Karaoke is a Chinese word meaning tone deaf.
Oral sex makes one’s day, and anal sex makes one’s hole weak.
If someone calls you fat, don’t get angry just turn the other chin.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
If you continue to live in the past, your life is history.
Man who says he knows how to control a wife is called a bachelor.
It’s OK for Schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it’s not against his Principal.
The very first doctor of dermatology, had to start from scratch.
When you see the handwriting on the wall, you’re in a public restroom.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
New wives are like computersthey go down unexpectedly.
Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring.
He who sneeze without tissue, take matter in own hands.
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
People having gift of gab, not know how to wrap it up.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
First breathe of love is the last breath of wisdom.
The definition of a true genius is a nudist with a memory for faces.
Just one letter makes all the difference between here and there.
Man who kisses girl’s behind, get a crack in the face.
Man who learn to masturbate come in handy.
Mother Nature’s best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
There is one thing that all smart asses have in common Wise Cracks
Some people are like blisters. They don’t show up until the work is done.
Tact is the unsaid part of what you’re thinking.
Dog may be man’s best friend, and pussy not far behind.
Man in bathroom with tool in hand is not necessarily a plumber.
Man who fall into an upholstery machine, eventually be fully recovered.
Women are like rocksWe skip the flat ones.
People who say they never fart, are full of hot air.
Happiness is not a destination, but a manner of traveling.
Putting teenager in prison, won’t stop his face from breaking out.
Love everybody, not every body.
If wise man marry, he become otherwise.
The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.
Don’t confuse an open mind with one that’s vacant.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Live each day as if it were your last, because someday it will be.
It’s ok to look back at the past. Just don’t stare at it.
If you don’t want anyone to get your goat, don’t let them know where you have it tied.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
He who sleep on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man.
Man who has money to burn, makes an ash of himself.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, and on the whole woman have more.
Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
Man who sucks nipples, make clean breast of things.
Girl who slides down bannister, makes monkey shine.
A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.
He who refuses to listen, is lying.
Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her.
He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger than them.
Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
If you want a committed man, look in mental hospital!
He who eats crackers in bed, get crummy sleep.
Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of molehills.
Man who pulls on woman’s bra-strap, may get bust in mouth.
To make egg roll, push it.
Chemist who fall in acid, get absorbed in work.
Girl’s best asset is her `lie’ ability.
He who eats ice cream in car, is a Sundae Driver
He who stick head in open window, gets pane in neck.
Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
Virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick.
Army like blow job, closer to discharge you get, the better it feels
Woman who dance while wearing a jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
Man who smoke pot, choke on handle.
Sailor who gets discharged from navy, leave buddies behind.
Man who make love to cash register, come into money.
Man who fondle girl having period, get caught red handed.
Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have crappy time.
He who sniffs coke, gets ice cube up nose.
Woman who springs on inner spring this spring gets offspring next spring.
Sex on beach is like American beer, very near water.
Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.
Man who masturbate only screwing himself.
Man who do business in whore house , get jerked around
House without toilet is uncanny.
‘Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind in his orders.
He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.
‘Tis better to have loved a short woman than to have never loved a tall
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot, very unsanitary.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn
Woman who marry detective must kiss dick.
Woman who is wallflower at party, dandelion in bed.
Man who sink into woman’s arms soon have arms in woman’s sink
Men and spray paint alike One squeeze and they’re all over you.
The best way to save face to keep the lower part shut
Men are like Lava lamps. Fun to look at, and not all that bright.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, and better for boy to park meat in girl.
Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders
Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face
Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, gets titbit.
Man who lay woman on ground, get Peace on earth.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
He who crosses the ocean twice without bathing is a dirty double crosser.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants !
Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk!
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy
Man who eats photograph of his Dad is soon spitting image of his father.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Girl who has sex in Egyptian tomb may soon become mummy
Woman is like jazz music—3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.
He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
Cows without legs are ground beef
He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
Woman who is in love with priest will chase him through church and grab him by the organ
Economy will go up and down when country is run by yo-yo’s
Basketball player who marry midget lady will be nuts over her
Chinese couple who have white baby, name it Sum Ting Wong
Lady who slide down bannister,get slivers by cracky!
Man who date flat chested woman will be feeling low
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
Man who let woman on top, will screw up
Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Sexy typist will bang on keyboard!
Sumo Wrestling is survival of the fattest.
’tis better to sleep with old hen, than pullet
Many men bite , but Fu Man Chu
Woman who fly airplane upside down have crack up
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Girl who sits on Judge’s lap gets honorable discharge.
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
It takes many nails to build crib, and only one screw to fill it.
Man who live in glass house should change in basement.
Man who run behind car get exhausted
Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who sleep in cat house by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
If you park, don’t drink, accidents cause people.
Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
Boy who go to bed with sexual problem
wake up with solution in hand

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