- On a Sear’s hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Dang, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair) - On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?) - On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???….) - On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it’s "just" a suggestion!) - On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(Well…duh, a bit late, huh?) - On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(…and you thought????…) - On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn’t this save me more time?) - On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) - On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And…I’m taking this because???….) - On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to…what?) - On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.) - On Sunsbury’s peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash!) - On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?) - On a child’s superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) - On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
