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From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane." Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our…

Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English: Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)…

If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. Do…

"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here." —at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002 "We spent…

A kindergarten student told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her student. "Because I pissed…